Winged Creatures aka W.C.

Selline fantaasia siis . Lõpuks sain ka mina midagi korralikku üles...
Algselt kirjutasin inglise keeles, proovisin eesti keelele üle minna aga ei ole nii hea. Jätsin ta inglis keelde! VB saab täna uue osa ka.
*Niipalju võiks veel öelda, et mu inka ei ole super(aga suht hea on) niiet vead palun ette kanda ...

w.c

1. Meet my big pet.
1.1 (parandatud?)

I jump off the canyon. My life runs in front of my eyes. I see every second of my life when we were together. At the last moment, before I’m gonna die by hitting my head against a rock and land to the bottom of the canyon, I make up my mind, I don’t wanna end my life like that! I’m Jennie Jefferson, for god sacs! I start flying; my hands are changing to wings. I didn’t know that I can fly, but I have always wanted to realize how it feels, to be free, like a bird.

Jennie put her notebook onto the teacher's desk and ran back to her seat, “Jennie that was excellent!” “Thanks Ms. Myer,” said the girl. “Did you write it all by your self?” was my favourite teacher surprised. “Of curse me! Who else has such great ideas?” “Right. Whatever you write, I’m always surprised.” Laura Myer smiled softly and gave me my diary, opened. There was written in bright red ink: Excellent work, A+. “And you, all, who haven’t done S E L F todays homework, it must be placed on my desk tomorrow.” I smiled. “What?” said everybody. DRIING!

All my classmates quickly head to the break, but I wanted to talk with my literature teacher. “Ms. Myer,” I asked for attention. “Yes?” she noticed right away. “I think that I’ll have to skip the next competition.” “Oh why? Your stories are really good.” “Sorry, it’s not my decision actually.” I said in little voice. “Whose then?” and again I had surprised her. “My mum, we had a little fight of my writings.” “Yea that’s bad, my mum did it too.”

“Writing?” I asked. “No. Not letting others write. I think that your mother is jealous of us being so good friends.” I started thinking about it, it has a point. “Maybe true. But yesterday she said that we’ll move if I write again. She took all my notebooks, where my stories were.” Ms. Myers face turned blue. “Oh, that’s rude.” “That’s my mum.” I rolled eyes. “Let me talk to her.”

Something big and blue flew behind the window. It landed. “I gotta go now.” So I ran out of the school front door. Almost. Safeguard caught me and asked: “Where you’re going so quickly?” “I’ll have to see...” then I caught my breath. “The doctor. I’m already late.” “OK. Off you go.” Free to go, again, I started to run.

sry, oli pikk-pikk vahe... hakkasin uuesti kirjutama nüüd. alles. kavatsen selle ära lõpetada. Mmh, plaanid... aga tšekkige kuidas seekord on. Parandasin kirjapilti ka. ja vb tuli veidi lühike. elame üle ilusti eksju!

1.2 Meet my big pet.

It was a sunny day. Wind was messing my hair as I ran behind my old school.
“Hey Shaggy!”
The thing stepped out behind the carbide cans, they weren’t hiding him anyway, because he was too big and bright blue.
Shaggy is a feshushi bird. He belongs to me and Brandon. Shaggy was our biology experiment, indeed we haven’t showed it to anybody, but it worked. He hatched about a year ago by now and has done a lot of growing. We really like him and having that kind of secret is no problem for us. Shaggy isn’t the only big feshushi bird that we have to share. Thanks to our perfect friendship we have made two more analogous eggs so there are two feshushi baby-birds coming on their way soon. Newborns will be named Mimi and Terry. They have to be in our lab until they hatch.
“Let’s go home.” I said to Shaggy and climbed to his back. As I crossed my hands around his feathered neck he started running and jumped up. Shaggy was flying.

***

My phone started ringing and that devil woke me up. I reached for the red light which was made by my phone.
“Yes?” I sounded sleepy.
“Jen, wake up! You’ll have to come, oh my god I’m so exited. Mimi and Terry…” he prattled hastily.
“Bran, calm down! Speak slowly now, is there something wrong with Mimi or Terry?” I started worrying.
“No time, come quick, please!” he hushed and threw his phone away.
I listened to the dumb phone for a minute and then I realized what he was buzzing about. Quickly changed my clothes and hurried out of my house. I trembled for a second; it was freezing outside. I must be lucky that Brandon lives next door to me. No need for banging on the door; my best friend had already opened it. Brown haired boy rushed downstairs and I followed him though that well-memorized path. That room where those stairs led us was a place where I had been almost all of my summer holiday. White walls, stuffy shelves – you could say that it is just a lubber room or some kind of garage. Security first, we opened the door with a code. There was a big table and on it two buckets obviously filled with water. Neither of us put on the lights. We didn’t need any.
“So bright,” murmured I.
“You see my problem,” he nagged nervously.
We stood there and watched two side-by-side placed buckets shining in different colors. One red other green, as their light connected, made a yellow glow between them.

Well...that's a great story, but sometimes, it flew past too guickly and it was hard to grasp the action: I think you could write more description.
but it nice to read some story what's written in English.
So go on

Kui sa vigu ei leidnud, siis oled sa ikka mingi eriti imelik.
Eesti keelde tõlkida on lihtne...
Mul hakkas igav:
w.c.

1. Saage tuttavaks mu suure koduloomaga.
1.1

Ma hüppan kannioni servalt alla. Mu silme eest jookseb läbi mu elu, ma näen igat sinuga koos oldud sekundit. Viimasel hetkel, enne, kui mind läbistab[Viga...isegi "penetrate" sobiks paremini.] kivi ja ma maandun põhjas, otsustan ma, et ma ei taha oma elu nii lõpetada! Ma olen Jennie Jefferson Jumala päralt! Ma alustan lendu; mu käed muutuvad tiibadeks. Ma ei teadnud, et ma oskan lennata kuid ma olen alati tahtnud teada, kuidas oleks tunda end vabana kui lind.

Jennie pani oma vihiku õpetaja[Kirjaviga, see pole vist mitmuse omastav...] lauale ja jooksis tagasi kohale,
"Jennie see on suurepärane!"
"Tänan Proua Myer." ütles tüdruk.
"Kas sa kirjutasid selle ise?" oli mu lemmik[Ei saa aru...fave] õpetaja üllatunud.
"Loomulikult mina! Kellel teisel on nii hiilgavad ideed?"
"Õigus, ükskõik mida[Palun kirjuta õigesti] sa kirjutad, olen ma alati üllatunud." ütles Laura Myer, naeratas õrnalt ja andis mulle mu päeviku, avatult. Sinna oli kirjutatud erepunase tindiga: Suurepärane töö, A+.
"Ja kõik need, kes pole I S E oma kodutööd tänaseks teinud, esitavad selle homse tunni alguseks."
Ma naeratasin.
"Mida!?" karjus kogu ülejäänud klass.
Kellahelin...

Kõik mu klassikaaslased jooksid kiirelt vahetundi, mina aga tahtsin rääkida kirjanduse õpetajaga.
"Proua Mayer," üritasin ma saada õpetaja tähelepanu.
"Jah?"
"Ma arvan, et ma pean järgmise võistluse vahele jätma."
"Oh, miks? Su jutud on tõsiselt head."
"Vabandust aga see polnud minu otsus tegelikult." ütlesin ma vaiksel häälel.
"Kelle siis?" üllatasin ma teda jälle.
"Mu ema, meil oli väike vaidlus mu juttude teemal."
"Jah, see on halb, minu ema tegi seda sammuti."
...rohkem ei viitsi...
Muide, hea jutt!

Aiiii, Renx. Ma poleks sinust küll seda oodand, et sa tervelt üht viga ei märka parandada. Autsh, noh. See on karm hoop su tarkusele, ma ütlen.
Näete: “Of curse me!
1. by hitting my head against a rock - mismoodi see läbistamine on? pead vastu kivi ära lööma, mitte läbistama. Ma ei näe viga seal.
3. Favouritega tegi ta kõigest ühe näpuvea, u jäi puudu.
4. whatever.. ongi kokku kirjutatud või milles sa selle sõna puhul probleemi nägid?

...bottom of the canyon, I make[Made...seal peaks minevik olema] up my mind, I don’t wanna...
Jennie put her notebook onto the teacher[teacher's mitte teacher ega teachers' see võis olla ka kirjaviga] desk and ran back to her seat
Pillowface...At the very bottom of the first post: "Viimati muutis seda Heffu (Kolm 6 Jan 2010 - 21:40). Kokku muudetud 2 korda"

vastan sulle täpselt...

1. by hitting my head against a rock - mismoodi see läbistamine on? pead vastu kivi ära lööma, mitte läbistama. Ma ei näe viga seal.
Ei mäleta, mis seal enne täpselt oli aga jäi mulje nagu keegi oleks ta k e h a mõõgaga läbistanud ainult, et mõõga asemel oli kivi.
3. Favouritega tegi ta kõigest ühe näpuvea, u jäi puudu.
selle näpuvea tegi ta uuesti parandamisel...enne oli seal lihtsalt fave
4. whatever.. ongi kokku kirjutatud või milles sa selle sõna puhul probleemi nägid?
whatevre oli kirjutatud... viimased tähed...

vastan sulle täpselt...

1. by hitting my head against a rock - mismoodi see läbistamine on? pead vastu kivi ära lööma, mitte läbistama. Ma ei näe viga seal.
Ei mäleta, mis seal enne täpselt oli aga jäi mulje nagu keegi oleks ta k e h a mõõgaga läbistanud ainult, et mõõga asemel oli kivi. jah, nii see oli. enne oli kirjutatud by striking a rock
3. Favouritega tegi ta kõigest ühe näpuvea, u jäi puudu.
selle näpuvea tegi ta uuesti parandamisel...enne oli seal lihtsalt fave jup
4. whatever.. ongi kokku kirjutatud või milles sa selle sõna puhul probleemi nägid?
whatevre oli kirjutatud... viimased tähed... xd

mm. proovisin uuesti parandada. nii. kas teisest ka vigu leiate? laen kohe varsti (täna/homme) uue osa ja üritan vigu vältida. aga TÄNKS paranduste eest!

Wind was messing my hair as I ran behind my old school.
Sa jooksid oma vana kooli taga...

The thing stepped out behind the carbide cans, they weren’t hiding him anyway, because he was too big and bright blue.
Äkki oli see ikka prügikast mitte karbiit?

He belongs to me and Brandon.
Brandon and I.

Shaggy was our biology experiment, indeed we haven’t showed it to anybody, but it worked.
Haven't → hadn't Minevik... mäletad?
...experiment. Indeed, we...
...but it worked. ...but the project worked. Not Shaggy...

He hatched about a year ago by now and has done a lot of growing.
What has he grew during that year?
...and he had grown a lot.

Thanks to our perfect friendship we have made two more analogous eggs so there are two feshushi baby-birds coming on their way soon.
...analogical...
...coming on their way soon.
What's their path?

Shaggy was flying.
All the time??? Even when he ran and jumped up?
Shaggy flew. ←He was doing it at that moment.

My phone started ringing and that devil woke me up.
My phone rang and woke me up.
Seal polnud kuradit...

“Yes?” I sounded sleepy.
You sounded sleepy but didn't say anything?
"Yes?", i asked with a sleepy voice.

“Bran, calm down! Speak slowly now, is there something wrong with Mimi or Terry?” I started worrying.
You dont have to tell him to speak slower, when you have ordered him to calm down already.
“Bran, calm down! Is there something wrong with Mimi or Terry?”, I started worrying.

“No time, come quick, please!” he hushed and threw his phone away.
No time for what and who has no time?
"We dont have much time! Come quick, please"

I listened to the dumb phone for a minute and then I realized what he was buzzing about.
Dumb(loll) phone? Ha ha!
When he hang up i was still listening, for a minute it seemed such a nonsence. Then i realized what he was babbling about.

Quickly changed my clothes and hurried out of my house.
Who was that?
I quickly changed my clothes and hurried out fo my house.

I trembled for a second; it was freezing outside.
Comma not semicomma
The same sentence goes on...

I must be lucky that Brandon lives next door to me. No need for banging on the door; my best friend had already opened it.
There are two reasons why not to "bang" on the door?
My best friend had already opened his door, no need for banging on it.
Seal, enne seda lauset peaks uus lõik hakkama, sest tegevutkoht muutub.

Brown haired boy rushed downstairs and I followed him though that well-memorized path. Room, where those stairs led us was a place, where I had been almost all the time of my summer holiday.

White walls, stuffy shelves – you could say that it is just a lubber room or some kind of garage. Security first, we opened the door with a code.
Like...you had a CODE IN YOUR HAND and you opened door with it???
Lubber is a word that not many know.
I/He entered code and opened the door.

There was a big table and on it two buckets obviously filled with water.
Not so obvious to me...I don't hold monster eggs in my garage...
There was a big table with two buckets on it filled up with water.

“So bright,” murmured I.
“You see my problem,” he nagged nervously.
We stood there and watched two side-by-side placed buckets shining in different colors. One red other green, as their light connected, made a yellow glow between them.

“So bright,” I murmured .
“You see my problem.” he nagged nervously.
We stood there and watched two side-by-side placed buckets shining. One red, the other green, as their light connected, made a yellow glow between them.



Vähemalt sa üritasid...

http://www.englishforums.com/English/IAndHeOrHeAndIOrMeAndHe/zkwcq/post.htm
Vastus sulle...

As for, "I and he" I guess it is not used Hm?

jah... sorry kirjutasin valet pidi...parandasin...
O.k. ma magama...

Lord Esai kirjutas:

...bottom of the canyon, I make[Made...seal peaks minevik olema] up my mind, I don’t wanna...

Ma ülejäänud parandustesse eriti ei süüvinud. Sul oli vist igav.

Aga selle koha kohta ma ütlen kohe ära, et make oli täiesti õige. Sa võid inglise keele grammatikat jagada, kuid eesti keele, eesti keele lauseehituste, jutu ülesehituste jms kohta võiks ka ikka natukene teada. (: Eestkätt oled sa ju eestlane, eksole?

Heffu kirjutas:

I jump off the canyon. My life runs in front of my eyes. I see every second of my life when we were together. At the last moment, before I’m gonna die by hitting my head against a rock and land to the bottom of the canyon, I make up my mind...

Kogu see tekst on LIHTOLEVIKUS. Miks peaks make made'iks muutuma?

Eesti keeles on samuti stiililiselt ebakorrektne jutus kõrvuti erinevaid aegu panna. Samamoodi ei hakka sa inglise keeles ajama ala I woke up in the morning and will go outside with my friends to had some nice time.

Kõik ilusti ühes ajas ikka. (: See asi oli Hefful korrektselt.

nassic kirjutas:

Aga selle koha kohta ma ütlen kohe ära, et make oli täiesti õige. Sa võid inglise keele grammatikat jagada, kuid eesti keele, eesti keele lauseehituste, jutu ülesehituste jms kohta võiks ka ikka natukene teada. (: Eestkätt oled sa ju eestlane, eksole?

Kogu see tekst on LIHTOLEVIKUS. Miks peaks make made'iks muutuma?

Eesti keeles on samuti stiililiselt ebakorrektne jutus kõrvuti erinevaid aegu panna. Samamoodi ei hakka sa inglise keeles ajama ala I woke up in the morning and will go outside with my friends to had some nice time.

Kõik ilusti ühes ajas ikka. (: See asi oli Hefful korrektselt.

Eestkätt olen ma eestlane aga enamus ajast suhtlen ma inglise keeles...
Räägin tavaliselt ainult eesti keeles aga seda vaid siis, kui keegi minuga juttu alustab, mida juhtub harva...
Eesti keele grammatikat olen õppinud vaid koolis, Inglise keele oma olen õppinud lisaks koolile ka iseseisvalt.
Nobody's perfect...
Mulle meeldib väga näha kedagi minu vigu parandamas.
Btw: Ma lugesin seda sama teksti üle u. 20 korda ja ma tegin 7 viga...

Ärge norige nüüd Heffu kallal nii väga, ega ta inglise keele ekspert pole, et peaks kõike täiuslikult oskama. Ma ei ütle et minagi oleks, ma oskan inglise keelt veel vähem kui tema..

Ja Esai, sul on endal ka tõesti viga.

Lord Esai kirjutas:

Ma hüppan kannioni servalt alla.

See on "kanjoni".

Oh, by the way, it's very good story. :)

mjaa. aga mulle meeldib kriitika...
mis te arvate, kas ma peaksin eesti keele peale üle minema?

Thanks, Werewolf Took...
ma arvan, et mul on rohkem vigu...

Heffu:
EI peaks...
Ma olen nõus su vigu veel parandama...
See hea praktika.
Nii sulle kui ka mulle...

20 korda ühte teksti lugeda? (Renx)
*kratsib kukalt*
Sul pidi tõesti IGAV olema.
Aga noh... su keelekasutuse kohta pole midagi öelda. Peaasi, et su silmaring ainult inglise keelega ei piirduks... ja arvutitega.

Ines - mai tea, miks, aga ma hakkasin valju häälega naerma su kommi peale.